He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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