i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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