respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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