Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
