yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
