It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
