Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
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Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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