Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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