the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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