we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
