Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
