ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
organizing the empties. That sober.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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