Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
