I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
