You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
