I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
