Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
