She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
