Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Alive.
So much puke
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
