My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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