your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
