two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Drunk is a universal language darling
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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