Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
