she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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