he shaved USA in his pubs
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is wine microwaveable?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
