obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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