You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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