Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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