im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
