My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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