I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
