I'd wear matching sweaters with you
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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