I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize