How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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