I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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