i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
