My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
