why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
