Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
