Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
