Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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