I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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