Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
