in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
