Dude my mom stole all your condoms
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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