girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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