how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
