If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so let's talk penis.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
