At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
