he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
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I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
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You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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