just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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