the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
