My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
