There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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