My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
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I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
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YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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