That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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