How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
