I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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