I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
