I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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