none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
