I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
