the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
