Don't you send me to vm
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
