i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
