your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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