I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
