I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
This house was built for laser tag.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
