That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
