i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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