The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
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I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
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Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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