I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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