What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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