OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
