I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
