Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The struggles of a small town man whore
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
