there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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