im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I enjoy the company of your penis
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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