I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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